ES1

I won't let you down.
I'm not sure I've ever said this
to the people who
matter;
to those I care about.
I worry a lot -
not because I'm obssessive
or clingy -
just because I tend to care
for people I've only just met
(or in some cases
people I've never physically met)

I won't leave you.
Something I probably should have
said more
to those who mattered.
And though the past is
the past,
I still feel as though
I could have done more.
Admitting to someone
that you'll never ever
leave them,
that you'll always care,
and that you'll always
be there with arms open
for them,
is what I should scream and scream and scream
every day.
Because the people who make up
the little details of my day
seem to end up being
the most important.

I love you.
Probably said too often.
And not often enough.
It's strange but nice how friendship
can reach that point when you
genuinely LOVE another person.
Not in the "I want to spend the rest
of my life with you" way;
in that "my life would be pretty messed up
without you" and "I'll always listen,
I'll always answer,
and I'll always be here if you need me".
And then there's the more romantic love.
I guess I'm somewhat
cynical
about that kind of love.
I'd like to believe that there's
someone for
everyone.
But I can't bring myself to be so
narrow minded.

I miss you.
There are so many people I miss.
I'm rather emotional.
Just knowing that someone has
died
makes me cry.
That seems like such a harsh word.
but I agree with my best friend;
dancing around saying it
does no good.
So I miss the times when the sunshine
made me smile and I'd think
of you.
And I miss the newness of feeling
wanted.
And I wish I'd said all I should have
before you left us all.

I can't live without you.
This isn't directed at anyone in particular.
It's just the way I feel
and the way I live.
People are important;
sometimes they make me sad and angry
but without all these people
I'd be lost.
Without my friends and family
I'd be dead.

I have no clever ending to this.
So.
I want an invisibility cloak.
Problem solved.